Losing a child is one of the worst things one can go through in life. Standing by as a relative or partner is also not easy. As a partner, you feel as much sorrow as the mother even if you were not the one who carried the child, and as a close relative, you are struck by a sense of helplessness greater than ever. Many who are bystanders often ask themselves how best to handle a situation as difficult and sensitive as this.

With this post, we hope to help those who are close to someone who has lost a child with tips on how to handle the situation and what you should and should not say to the affected person.

We want to highlight you as a relative of an angel mother who has lost a child and begin by telling you that your support is incredibly important in the healing process of the grieving person. She may not show it or be able to talk about what happened, but having people who are just there for her means a lot. The best thing you can do as a relative is simply to be there ♡

10 Tips for Relatives of Someone Who Has Lost a Child

1. Call the person who has lost their child. If you don't get an answer, try again a little later or another day. If you still don't get an answer, send a text message, express your condolences, and let her know that you are thinking of her. No one should have to go through what she is going through alone.
2. Let her know you are there. She may not respond, but when she is ready, she will know you are there to talk and listen.
3. Ask if there is anything you can do and offer your help. Shop for her or bring over prepared meals, pick up/drop off siblings at preschool, offer to vacuum or start a load of laundry.
4. Don't give up. Even if you don't get a response, keep reaching out and share things unrelated to the miscarriage. Not all your calls or texts need to be about the loss, talk about your day or something else that has happened in life.
5. It can be sensitive for a relative to give advice to the mother who is going through her grief process, but we still believe you can mention, for example, the Infant Death Association. Let her know that she can connect with others who have gone through similar experiences there.
6. When she is ready and wants to talk about what she has gone through – be ready. It will be tough to listen to, but acknowledge that you hear her and do not be afraid to accept her story.
7. Continue to show your support long after. The immediate grief will lessen, but the sorrow will always remain.
8. Don't try to solve her problems, you can't. Nothing you say or do can change the fact that she is grieving and that she has lost a child.
9. All reactions are unique. Some shut down completely, others cry. Some become angry and some feel relatively okay with what happened. Remember that all reactions are unique – and there are no right or wrong feelings.
10. Relieve her from guilt and shame. If she blames herself, help her to not do so.

What to Say to Someone Who Has Lost Their Child?

1. Express your condolences. Sometimes these words are hard to say, but they are more important than you might think. If you don't know what to say, just say that. Some choose not to say anything, but it's better to be honest and say you don't know.
2. Sometimes it's enough to say you don't know what she is going through but that you are thinking of her and that what she has gone through is terrible.
3. Don't say you understand her grief. As a relative, you may have experienced a similar situation, but everyone's experiences and grieving processes are different. Instead of saying you understand, say you empathize with her.
4. Listen to the mother when she talks and use the same words she uses. That way, you know those are the words that describe her situation and words she is accustomed to. Some describe it as a miscarriage or a terminated pregnancy, others say they lost their child.
5. Don't be afraid to ask questions. Ask how it happened, how she was treated by the healthcare system, if she chose to see the baby, and if she was offered support sessions. You will quickly notice if it's something she is okay talking about or not.
6. Don't use the word "normal". Use "common" instead if you need to describe something.
7. If she doesn't want to talk, ask if she just wants you to be there and keep her company. You can sit together in silence, and that's perfectly okay.
8. NEVER say things like "everything happens for a reason", "I know how it feels", or "it gets better with time".
9. Instead, say things like "How are you?", "If you want to talk, I'm here to listen", or "When you are ready, let me know how I can help in the best way".
10. Dare to talk about things other than the miscarriage. Ask her about the future or talk about a beautiful memory you share.